Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Randomize
