Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
