it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
