my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize