Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
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