Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
