I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I will pee on everything he values.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I just had sex on a roof
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
