she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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