I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
