There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
