u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
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I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
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My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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