Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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