i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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