i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
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