New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
