so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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