This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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