I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
