Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
