It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I think a kid would responsible me up
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
