It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
