Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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