just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
