As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
