yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
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