the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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