dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
