Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
