u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
