8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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