...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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