Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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