I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
