She is in my trunk
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
