Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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