I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
