dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
