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I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
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