my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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