just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Randomize
