If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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