she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
