Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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