Apparently you make a good broom.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
