Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
