Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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