This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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