wat bout pragnant strippers??
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
