I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
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