you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
