i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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