I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
