Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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