when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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