She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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