I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Randomize
