.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
