My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Randomize
