i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
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why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
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I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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