She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
