its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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