I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
