I CAN MOONWALK!
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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